Saturday, February 26, 2011

Wild Is The Wind

I refrained from putting pictures on this post because I want you and other readers to pay attention to what I have to say.

            I could attempt to describe the anger and frustration I feel but words would not do my emotions justice. It’s people like you that disprove my theory that mankind is good. You are blinded by your dogmatic opinions and beliefs. You retain rigid theories and explanations. Your conservative outlooks have alienated your children as well as yourself. You possess no respect and express no tolerance for different opinions and therefore, it is you that are ignorant. 
I have no doubt that my friend’s parents would not let me hang around their children if they knew half of the things I believed in or stood for. They would be disgusted that I support gay marriage and act as an advocate to feminism. Because I’m a liberal and usually agree with Democratic ideas, I am suddenly a delusional, naïve radical. I don’t know whether to laugh or be angry. Your childish and hypocritical behavior is ludicrous.
I do not require everybody to believe in the same things as I do. All I ask for is respect. Why is it that I, the teenage girl, am more mature than you, the adult parents? I’ve always understood that my parents are ahead of their “time” and that my family’s candor relations are not of the norm. But why? I simply can’t comprehend why or what you have against me. Your initial reaction is to blame me because I’m a bad influence on your daughter. I cannot suppress my spite any longer. I am sick of  you blaming me for your inadequate parenting skills and inability to accept that your beliefs are superior to everyone else’s. Suddenly, I am the enemy because I give your child, my friend, a different perspective. 
          This event has pushed me to the limit. My goal to be optimistic and positive is pushed to the back of my mind. I simply can’t ignore or avoid the present tribulation. I refuse to conform and I refuse to give up my dignity. I have every right to maintain my current opinions and preferences. And  you cannot destroy our friendship because I am not about to stand by and helplessly watch a healthy relationship disintegrate. This is a bigger conflict then you can ever imagine because this is kind of oppression occurs every day. Our American society lies on the foundation of the Constitute, for without it, there would be no democracy or freedom. Even though we are guaranteed the rights and freedoms of expression and speech just because we are human, we are suppressed by our fellow man. 
  Many of us refrain from expressing our personal values because we fear judgment of others. People are abused and ridiculed for their sexual orientation, for their political opinions, and for their religious preferences. I do not understand this behavior. And I never will. But I will continue to fight for the right to choose and the right to be who one wishes to be. To clarify, I love this country and I love humanity. But this behavior is not justified. There is not a document in the Constitute that consents discrimination against another for a belief, opinion, or value. I truly believe that human beings will be responsible for the demise of our own race.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


I have a week off from school and I am so in love with life!
On Friday, my friend Joy came over and we ate tortilla chips and played Candy Land with a headless solider and Luke Skywalker for players. Saturday, I watched 30 Rock all day and wrote poetry. Sunday, I went shopping with Olivia and then spent the night at another friend's house and watched stupid horror movies. Oh, and I got a jacuzzi and have basically been in it almost everyday. I even had lunch in it. It's so great. It almost feels like summer time.

This is my latest roll of film. Most of them are from this week but a couple are from Valentines Day, an adventure at Rubies Diner last weekend, and a night of babysitting my brother and his friend.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

The Swallow

More of my writing. I've acquired a serious case of writer's block lately.
           I have decided to only love strangers. This method will allow me to elude the suffering that derives from intimacy. There will be no attachment required. I will never even know of my lover’s name. Nor will I become accustomed to the sound of their voice (I may never even hear it), or the curve of their back, or their idiosyncratic mannerisms. Instead, these people will merely be my muses that inspire poetry. They will pass by me, blissfully unaware of my infatuated gaze and bubbling affection. Perhaps they will read my work, but never will they know that it was written for them. 
            A girl sits across from me in the bus. She has a pearly complexion, eyes as blue and as wide as a porcelain dolls, and blonde ringlets. Never will I caress her cheek or trace my fingers across her protruding vertebrae. I will never have the opportunity to breathe in the aroma of her skin while I tenderly kiss her swan neck. Does she have a family? A brother? A sister? Why do I care, I will never meet them even if she did. 
My theory sounds absurd and terribly lonely to any sensible man or woman. However, I am not without reason. My tribulations and doleful existence has rendered me unable to experience intimate love for a person who I hold close to my heart. In fact, I am convinced I posses no heart. Between my rib cages, there is only a empty chasm of nothingness. This void is a vacuum inside of my body. My lungs are black, my cheeks are yellow and sallow, and my figure is cadaverous. As my body continues to deteriorate, I cease to exist.
  I do not love you anymore. I never did love you. How can I love when there is no heart beneath my breast?

flores de pequeña jaula
love notes

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Apple Orchard

I couldn't keep myself away. I love blogging too much.
These are photos from my most recent film roll.

Exactly a year ago, I was hospitalized. This is a weird time for me and I can't pinpoint my feelings right now.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Lady Sings The Blues So Well

I've decided I wanted to take a break from blogging. I'm not deleting this blog by any means but I want to focus on other aspects of my life. I already have a lot of responsibility and I'm taking additional classes so I'm starting to have limited leisure time. I just need a short break. I'll be back, I promise :)

As my last post for a while, I got the Stylish Blogger Award from Blue Eyed Night Owl (lovely girl, check out her blog!). Basically I have to tell seven facts about myself.

1. I'm attempting to journal (I have a problem with journaling because I find it tedious sometimes) recording my adventures and thoughts so I can treasure it when I'm older. Because I'm creepily sentimental like that.

2. I resent where I live. I only live here because my mom got remarried and it's a more ideal area to go to school (compared to where I was before). It's lovely and safe here but it bores me. The people bore me. The insipid architecture bores me. I appreciate it but I will be driven mad if I have to stay here more than necessary.

3. I adore reading and books. I've recently discovered I want to be a writer. I'm considering going to the University of Iowa for their writing program after I attend FIDM.

4. I need to live in Paris. I have an infatuation with everything French.

5. I despise TV but I love the Office, The Clone Wars (don't even think it, it's so incredible), and recently 30 Rock (I just finished watching the 2nd season).

6. I wear lipstick every day. Red is my favorite color.

7. I'm really weird. Maybe I don't come across like that through my blog (excluding my Star Wars obsession) but if any of you actually personally knew me, I'm a huge nerd. 

Sunday, February 6, 2011

You Are My Sweetest Downfall

I'm so happy. Even with all this stress and school, my life is beautiful.

The first set of pictures are of my friend Joy, the others are extras from the Lolita photo shoot, and the last set are from adventures with my friends.