In Your Head

I'm a bit lost right now. I discharged last thursday and I should be glad I'm gone but I'm not. I miss the girls so much and the place and just everything! Today I went to my new treatment center and I hate it. Well not really, that's a strong word, dislike it. All of the clients are older than me, as in their twenties and thirties and although I know I'm not going to be there for a long time and I only go for like 3 hours a day because I'm in the IOP program, it's still difficult. It's just odd. I have nothing against the people, they're all quite nice actually I just feel like I don't belong. So much is going on yet it isn't.

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I don't think I'll ever quite understand you. You revealed something personal to me today and I feel like this is the first time we've ever been on the same level. I realized you suffer just as any other human being. I guess I feel bad because all this time you actually cared, you actually understood even though I didn't think you did. Yeah, it's different. We're different. Our situtations are different but at the same time we're all the same. I just wish I could make you understand how much I appriecate what you shared with me. But how can words describe just emotion?

My emotions are conflicting. A part of me wants to hate you and laugh at you and say I knew it yet another part of me feels absolutely terrible for judging you and denying you, invalidating you. My head is like a war zone.