Friday, December 3, 2010

Speaking A Dead Language


I apologize for leaving some of you hanging with 2nd to latest post. I stated I was writing a book and didn't say anything more. Well, as promised, this is a little excerpt from it:

"I became so easy to go days without food. It was a struggle at first, I would constantly give up half way through the day and binge when I got home from school only to be consumed in my guilt and vomit it all up. I remember sitting in my last period class arguing with myself over if I was going to binge or not when I got home. My anorexia always resisted the idea, insulting my will-power and volleying me with degrading comments about my body and character. She always told me if I gave into food, I would be dishonoring my commitment to her and proving my weakness. Resistance was strength. Being able to resist the temptation of eating, in my mind, made me strong. At my lowest weight, I would flaunt my ability to defy food’s tantalizing presence. My warped reality lead me to think that people found this skill admiral and incredible. I would purposely buy clothes that would bring attention to my emaciated body..."

It's about my expierence with my eating disorder, as one can probably tell. I have no intention of getting it published (although my family and therapist strongly urge me to). It's more for myself and of course for others who are struggling as well. My insight is a gift and I feel the desire to share it so others can relate and possibly be inspired.
"From an outside perspective, I was spiraling downwards faster and faster every time I skipped a meal or vomited. But I only saw improvement in my character."



18 comments:

Casie Jean said...

this is so incredible, thank you so much for sharing it. you are amazing, and I hope it does get published one day.
x.x.x
Casie

mckenzie. said...

Ana is cruel, but you speak of her so clearly. I am glad to be podgy again, and free of all that frightening drama :/

Ironically - the word verification I just got said "skinnyous"!

Vicky said...

These are such lovely photos x

jemina said...

WOW, I am so proud of you dear, to be brutally honest about your eating disorder shows a deep and solid character. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. You are indeed empowering...

Lots of LOVE to you my dear
Jemina
XOXO

fashionablepris said...

thank you for sharing.. so many girls are struggling with this..

thanks for your comment on my blog!<3

xxx
www.fashionablepris.blogspot.com

daisychain said...

You are incredible xox

ching said...

wow thanks for sharing that excerpt. it's pretty moving. this would be an eye opening read indeed.

alovelylittleworld said...

Wow, you are brave! Posting such a personal battle. I love the images you posted as well.

Kat said...

hi, cassidy. you recently left a nice little comment on my pitiful little blog.

i love yours.

BUT most importantly... i want you to know that i have struggled with anorexia for a long time... at this moment, i weigh about 95 lbs. I can't stop eating anymore, and it still is immense trouble to think about... but you're amazing, and gorgeous, and talented. don't give up, my dear.

Jeimy Denisse. said...

Hi Cassidy!

Thanks so much for visiting my blog. Your writing is amazing. I would love be able to read more.

I think every girl would benefit from reading this. We all struggle with many issues in our lives and having an outside perspective would be something we would all need.

Thanks so much for posting this! Love your blog!

XO

Jeimy

blue eyed night owl said...

That is great! You get your thoughts so well accross on paper and I think it's great you're doing it. I always like to make the best out of shitty situations and you are definitely doing that now. I hope you'll let people read it (if not publish), I'm sure it could change someone's life.

Calliforniaction. said...

so fuckin' good blog. Awesome.
Kisses

Some Style... said...

hello,

thanks for coming over to my Blog, really liking yours a lot! some wonderful words and images combined!

greets-.

xoxo

http://some-kind-of-style.blogspot.com/

Audrey Marie said...

very brave of you! congrats.

and i love that braid photo.

Lee Oliveira said...

Gorgeous shots.. love the way the light has a strong impact on your photos.
Great outfit..
LOx

The Owl Diary said...

Oh, so very proud of you for writing a box. Lovely writing. & Equally lovely photos. ♥

Haylee said...

You are an incredible writer. I know you said you weren't looking to get your book published but I really think you should. Honestly your writing captures you.

Duermevela said...

you have a lovely blog...
And, you know, of course you , keep writing!!