Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I Hear the Sound of Mandolins

          Sometimes if I stare at my reflection long enough, I began to contemplate the strangeness that I am alive with a personality and thoughts and feelings and pain and a background and inclinations and dreams. The more I dwell on it, the stranger and more mysterious the idea becomes. I cannot grasp the human condition. No matter how much awareness and insight I possess on the nature and history of humanity, it will always be an ineffable subject without an explanation. The concept of human nature, purpose, and creation is so vague and elusive that it becomes impossible to ruminate over for long periods of time. I find myself confused yet strangely curious whenever I think of such abstract ideas. 
          These reflections often incite more unanswerable questions about humans as well as myself. Who am I? I feel as if that is a question that is impossible to answer. I realize that I have such a limited understanding of myself because I haven’t experienced every circumstance that exists. Although in the past, I have struggled with addiction and self-destructive tendencies, my pain sometimes seems inadequate in comparison to the suffering of the people who experienced the most horrific, shameful, and abominable events of human history. When I think about the Holocaust, the oppression of people throughout history, slavery, war, genocides, massacres, starvation, and poverty, I experience such a profound feeling of despair, sympathy, and helplessness. It’s such a powerful feeling that all I can do is weep and question the motives of those who have inflicted pain upon other humans who are, and had always been, their equals. This is one of the reasons why I disagree adamantly with war. Every time I watch a movie or read a book about a particular war, I am horrified by the desensitization of people who glorify violence and killing. It’s hard for me to watch people die. I try to imagine myself in a war zone. I would witness people dying before my eyes. I would see mass destruction, suffering, and death. It would absolutely destroy me and transform me into a hollow apathetic shell of my former self.
          Perhaps I am distressed by this concept because I am a person that feels everything so intensely and passionately. I am naturally inclined to see the good in people. In many ways, this is a flaw because I truly believe that everyone possesses an intrinsic goodness; even those who have murdered, plundered, and caused pain to others. It’s difficult for me to accept that the most notorious and horrible people in history did not possess a small sliver of compassion and remorse. There are those who become so consumed with destructive and terrible motives and emotions that they began to disregard the natural human inclination to be kind and sympathetic. I am not justifying the actions of those who have been labeled as “horrible” people. I am offering a new perspective on those that make poor decisions and cause pain. 
          I will never understand it. That strangely offers me solace. For I predict that if I were ever to learn the truth, it might destroy me.


These photos are not mine. Click on them to be linked back to their original source.
If you haven't seen the new issue of Femme, click here!

15 comments:

McKenzie King said...

you are such a beautiful writer and don't you worry, i have already checked out your magazine. it is wonderful. you are a very talented girl, i am teaming with jealousy!!

tasha faye said...

oh Cassidy your writing intrigues me. i hang on to every word you write, so beautiful x

There is nothing in this world that is new.. said...

i looove your blog and i agree with McKenzie, you are very talented girl! (:

Alice said...

That first paragraph describes myself exactly a few years ago... I often feel guilty that I never seem to stop and think like that anymore.

Jessamyn Read said...

I hope you got my email!xx
http://jessamynread.blogspot.com

The Cat Hag said...

These photos are amazing, they have put me in a perfect mood for the weekend! :)


xoxo,
Addie
The Cat Hag

Vicky said...

Exactly! Thank you :)
Why are your pictures always so stunning! Can you tell me? :p
And your magazine is, I don't even find the right words to describe it.. it's simply fantastic, really! Must be an honour to be featured in a masterpice like this :)
xx

http://golden-mirrors.blogspot.com

Felix Curds said...

i really love this, cassidy. oftentimes i'll burst a vein or something ruminating over the human condition and the thought that there are a over 6 billion people out there kicking and screaming just like me y'know?

also, i checked out femme and enjoyed it:)

misslikey said...

I believe that you write about these kind of thoughts in extraordinary way.

Sara said...

A very enlightening post!

Imogen said...

I agree with so much of what you said. Also, the magazine is incredible, love it. I'm going to spend some more time reading it soon.

VALERIE WANG said...

niceeeeee style!those pictures are beaaautiful!<3 thanks for your sweet words and hope u'll come visit me more often!








xxxx

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

You are such a good writer! I have been going over the exact same thoughts this week. It's hard, isn't it :(

Caroline Ergy Erg said...

The second photo is so lovely-i love autumn leaves :)
xxxx

I V Y said...

beautiful photos.

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