Monday, October 24, 2011

Lemonade

          I need to drastically alter my mood and perception. Lately, the stress of school and work, the lack of time, and the chaos related to due dates and academic projects has rendered me bitter. I get annoyed easier, I feel pessimistic, stressed, sad, and exhausted. Time is no longer infinite. During the summer, I could not know was day or time it was and feel no anxiety. I haven't even the time to appreciate the beauty of autumn; Halloween is in a week and I feel like I haven't participated enough in the holiday festivities. I feel like I have a weight attached to my ankle and I'm drowning in the depths of the ocean. I just want to sleep. I just want to be able to relax, watch movies, discover new music, write poetry, and go on lovely adventures with friends. That dream is shattered when I consider all my responsibilities and commitments. 
          It is clear to me now what I need to do. In order to alleviate my suffering, I need to reevaluate my current situation and change my mentality. All this negativity and destructive emotions are attracting more stressful and negative situations in my life. Right now, it's hard to judge if I'm happy or not. I experience such frequent mood swings that it's hard to discern my actual feelings.


"You care enough, that you want your life to be fulfilled in a living way, not in a painting way, not in a writing way...you really do want it to be involving in living, corresponding with other living objects, moving, changing, that kind of thing." - Edie Sedgwick

13 comments:

Joy said...

As a fellow super stressed out college student, I totally understand you on this. I'm just procrastinating by blogging to make myself feel better that's all...

tara said...

hope it gets better; don't stress too much about school! bitter is a bad feeling.
ps. love the quote.

Jessamyn Read said...

One of my favourite quotes of all time by Sedgwick!
http://jessamynread.blogspot.com

Sia Jane said...

It is so easy to get lost in all that isn't it.

Especially when you have such creative urges and you cannot find the same amount of time to express yourself that way.

You will get through this.
You will <3

tasha faye said...

that Edie Sedgwick quote is lovely. <3 i hope it will all get better soon, love.

Amber Blue Bird said...

have you ever tried mediating? I know it sounds a little weird but it does help to clear you mind.

Felix Curds said...

Back to school blues is the worst! I understand what you mean about the responsibilities cramping yo ~style~ but it gets a better throughout the year though, I promise! -especially if you're taking subjects you really enjoy:)

Meg's Budget Boutique said...

I understand as I have so much on at the moment and it can leave you stressed out! However, try not to worry too much and never worry about something you can't change...hope you feel better soon, I'm loving your blog though and following you now, follow back? xxx

http://megsbudgetboutique.blogspot.com

Alice said...

I wish I could have had such a sensible/wise mindset whilst I was still in school! I remember the feelings you describe well... I hope things pick up for you soon :]

jessica wu said...

i agree. i get way too stressed out WAY TOO easily. my mom has been telling me to just calm down but its been ridiculously hard with everything thats going on right now :/

xx

I V Y said...

hope everything gets better soon! i've been there!

xo zebra and meerkat

emily-kallista said...

arrr so true... can't count the amount of times i've picked up a book or something that instructs; "replace negative thoughts with positive ones" like it so, very easy. So not the case.. btw i had a lovely long read through the summer Femme. thoroughly enjoyed :) fantastic work!!! xx

Magda said...

as: Oh that's lovely. I hope you will have a great time. Do you have any plans? Lovely pictures btw!