It is clear to me now what I need to do. In order to alleviate my suffering, I need to reevaluate my current situation and change my mentality. All this negativity and destructive emotions are attracting more stressful and negative situations in my life. Right now, it's hard to judge if I'm happy or not. I experience such frequent mood swings that it's hard to discern my actual feelings.
"You care enough, that you want your life to be fulfilled in a living way, not in a painting way, not in a writing way...you really do want it to be involving in living, corresponding with other living objects, moving, changing, that kind of thing." - Edie Sedgwick