Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Because the World is Wonderful

It has only been about 6 or 7 weeks since I have started my recovery processs and I feel like a completely different perso. In fact, I am person now. Before I was my eating disorder but now I am me. My perspectives, thoughts, and opinions have greatly changed. I have had a taste of life; of what I've been missing. My ED isn't worth it; it's what killed me, destroyed me as a person, isolated me from reality, and what lead me to dig my own grave. But now I have the shovel and I'm filing the hole and placing the seed amongst the ruins. And from there I will grow; I will become a blossoming bud with petals slowly spreading wide to the sun.

How can I put the time I've spent in recovery into words? Treatment is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has taught me more about myself in the past month and a half then anyone over the course of my whole life. Soon I'll be approaching my discharge; probably in the next 2 to 3 weeks as I predict.
There is so much to say and I iwish I could werite it all but I can't. At least not in one post; I'm still very overwhelmed myself! Just know that I'm getting better. I'm changing for the better and I'm starting a new life.
Everything will be new; I'm redecorating my room, revising my wardrobe, getting rid of the old and making my life a blank canvas. I want to help those like me; I want to inspire those with eating disorders or even struggles to get the help they deserve and need because it's not worth the suffering. Trying to be "perfect" or wasting time obsessing isn't pushing you forward, it's holding you back. It's the evil whose ultimate goal is to kill you. It doesn't love you, it hates you.
So I beg of anyone; anyone who is sturggling or hurting to speak up. Whether that means telling a friend or emailing a stranger. God, email me! It doesn't matter who it is, just spak up. Your voice is worthy. You're worthy. I've realized holding it in does nothing but eat you alivce. That dam won't hold up forever. Even the tiniest crack can transform into a waterfall and soon enough your whole world will be flooded.

Emotion is beautiful. Help and therapy is beautiful and so is freedom. We need to start appriecating and stop abusing; our bodies and minds are what allows us to be here. They take us to places we want to go and let us expierence happiness, and pain, and joy. And I promise you, when your body is happy, you are happy.
I might have said similar things before but this it's geniuine. I'm going to follow what I preach and so should the rest of the wqorld. You don't have to love your body just accept and respect it. One person can make a difference. You do it and then it's like a domino effect: others will follow. Don't be afraid to be the first; I know I'm not.

Although this post is coming to an end, it will not be the last. I have so much more to share just not right now. And if anyone needs to talk or has something to say or even questions, please do not hesitate to comment, email or contact me. You are all beautiful and wonderful people; thank you so much for your support, comments, gifts, and appriecation. In the world where I had nothing to live for, you all were my driving force that kept me running.


VeggieGirl said...

Welcome back!!!! Looking forward to reading more about your healing process - wishing you well <3

daisychain said...

I was literally thinking of you this morning, so glad to hear from you
and so very proud.

Chelsea Nicole. said...

i am so relieved to hear that you are doing exceptionally well! ;) i hope you continue to realize more self-truths as the weeks, months go on. come back to us when you're ready, i miss your blogging! xxoo

Thelma said...

Cassidy, I'm so glad that you're doing much better. Remember that you are beautiful no matter what. Just take it one day at a time.

Anonymous said...

i am so happy you're back and that you're feeling better, Cassidy. i missed your presence!!

blue eyed night owl said...

Hi Cassidy!I can't believe I totally missed this post, because I've been really looking forward to hearing from you. And then with such great news! I am so proud. Keep it up!