Baby All I Want For Christmas ..

As promised, I said I would post my Christmas list, so here we go!

First of all, I just asked for a lot of giftcards {to Forever 21, Target, Borders, iTunes, Ulta, Fred Flare, and well just everywhere!}. Gift cards are amazing, and I always end up with about 200-300 dollars worth in Forever 21 giftcards because EVERYBODY gets me them. They know me so well. :D

An adjustable mannequin; I really need one of these ..

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One of those HUGE art kits with paint brushes, paints, colored pencils, canvas paper, & all that good stuff from Micheals.

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A Pink Digital Camera; it's about time I got myself one of these.

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GUM! I seriously can't survive without it.

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Marie Antoinette, 500 Days of Summer, & Chicago on DVD

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Asylum For Wayward Victorian Girls by Emilie Autumn; yes, she wrote a book. Mwahahaha.

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Sims 3 & Sims 3 World Adventure Expansion Pack; I love the Sims games! Don't judge me.

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Er I believe that's all .. oh well, I'll find out soon enough. :}

And by the way .. I GOT A NEW COMPUTER! Ha! It wasn't a Christmas present though. I needed one, badly. My other one was crap and would always break and ugh it was just easier to get a new one.

A World of Fragile Things

I hate being sick. I hate not being able to do things because of it. I hate how I can't sleep. But at the same time, I love it. I love feeling vulnerable, weak. Tired. I don't understand it. But then again I don't really understand myself.

Winter begins tomorrow. I long to be up in the mountains, playing in the snow, icy winds tickling my cheeks pink. I long to watch it fall at night, where the moonlight and Christmas icicles are my only light. I wish to breathe in it's life, filling my lungs with cold. I wish for the pure air, I want freedom from my sickness. But even without the cold, I'll lie in the warmth of my bed, drinking tea and reading fairytales, watching the clouds as they pass by, begging them to stay but waving farewell.

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Only In My Dreams

I'm just going to be blunt here; I hate where I live. Most of the people here are superficial, materilastic, and shallow. I hate the weather, the people, and just everything.

I don't want to be negative or anything, because I am grateful I live in such an area and I've met some amazing people here, but if I had it my way, I wouldn't live here.

I want to live somewhere that's real. With real people who don't care about money and who don't try to be someone there not. I want to live somewhere were nobody would judge.  Where you don't have to look a certain way or act a certain way to be accepted.

I want an endless grassy field where I would escape to when I needed to get away from my reality.

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I want that place to be mine. I want it to be somewhere I can dream, and sing, and laugh and cry. I want to be able to run and run but never get anywhere.

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I want that place to be the most beautiful, inspirational place I've ever been to.

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I want to that place to be somewhere were I don't have to pretend; where I can be myself. Where I can let loose, be crazy, do stupid things, dance, and scream and not care. I want to be able to make memories there. I want to have a quiet place where I can drink tea and read a good book.

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Maybe I'm shooting for the stars here. There's probably no place like that in the world. But I'm entitled to dream aren't I?