bisous mon amour ; cupcakes for petit déjeuner

Insight

2012-01-30T18:04:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted. I really have no excuse. Even though I've been busy with school and work and all my other responsibilities, I have purposely avoided posting on here just because I didn't have the energy. I don't want blogging to become a burden to me. I love it and I just need to get back into the habit.

Although these are from a month ago, here are my adventures in Oregon in picture form. All the pictures of myself are taken by Kalaija and all the pictures of her are taken by me. I've had a lot of camera issues lately so that's why I didn't get to take that many pictures.. my camera broke the day before I left so I took my friend's camera but her battery died. I used one of Kalaija's old cameras and I took sixty pictures on it only to discover that the camera is broken. So none of them came out. I'm still a little upset about that but I realize that I can't do anything about it.. At least Kalaija got good pictures!

I've been experimenting with my digital camera just because I was forced to. Although I prefer film, I realize that I can take beautiful pictures with digital. Fortunately, I now have a working film camera so I plan to be taking a lot of pictures. Lately, I've been exploding with creativity. I've been watching films I adore, discovering beautiful new music, going on adventures with my wonderful friends, and writing more. I find myself distracted and unable to concentrate at school because I have so many ideas. I've been day dreaming more and fantasizing about faraway places and the possibilities of the future. Although school is a really big priority for me, I'm beginning to question why I'm torturing myself. I love learning and lately I've been resenting school because of all the stress and pressure that comes along with it. I'm going to art school. Academics aren't as important as artistic skill so I don't know why I've been pushing myself beyond my limits. I'm gradually learning that my grades don't define me, that I shouldn't let my negativity consume me, that I am deserving of happiness, and that I need to focus on art more because it brings so much joy into my life.

Lasso the Moon

2011-12-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

Even though I hate where I live, I find little things about it that I love. I love the little plaza by my house where I spend hours there by myself or with friends and know a lot of the employees that work there. I love being able to go to the beach whenever I want to and hanging out at the little coffee shop nearby. There's a cove-like area a walking distance from my home where I always go to just be by myself or write. It's the little idiosyncrasies like that that make me miss home. However, even the places I hold dear to my heart are not enough to keep me here. I am currently on my way to Oregon (three hour layover ugh) and I can't help but feel anticipatory for all the adventures I'm going to have. This is exactly what I needed. I was becoming so stressed from school that I began to neglect my creative side. All I want to do in the next ten days is relax, have fun, and breathe art.

Also, if you would like to contribute to Femme in any way, email femmesubmission@gmail.com

Razorblade Sky

2011-12-24T23:12:00.000-08:00

I apologize for my lack of blog posts. Even though it's my winter break, I've been neglecting my blog a lot lately. I'm going to Oregon in less than one day and I plan to start posting more and commenting on all your lovely blogs. Anyway, here are my latest pictures. I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Reel Around the Fountain

2011-12-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving to go to Oregon on the 26th to visit Kalaija! Anyway, here are my latest adventures in pictures.

Women of Woodstock

2011-12-12T17:21:00.000-08:00

Here is my latest film adventures. I've been experiencing an effusive amount of creativity and I've been taking a lot of pictures lately. The first set of pictures are of Sydney and Joy. The second is my "Women of Woodstock". All the makeup is done by Raleigh Hopper and the clothing is a combination of mine and all the models.

This Charming Man

2011-11-25T18:36:00.000-08:00

Today I lied on a cliff and stared at the night sky while listening to the Smiths. The autumn air penetrated my thin layer of clothes and at that moment, I experienced the profound feeling of being alive. My belly was full of nurturing food and my head was full with thoughts of the lovely adventures of my day. It dawned upon me how fortunate I am to be here on this beautiful Earth amongst loving friends and pleasant circumstances. Oh how the minimalist pleasure of life bring me joy. I may be young and untouched by the “horrors” of reality, but I know that this is how it’s supposed to be.

View my Flickr!

Siren

2011-11-20T20:20:00.000-08:00

I've always been strangely infatuated with the sea. Whenever I’m near it, I experience such a profound feeling of calmness and peace. I love the mysterious aura it has. I guess I love it so much because it’s existence is an ineffable concept to me; it’s enormous mass baffles me. If I were to ever commit suicide (I don’t plan to but I do dwell on the “what ifs” sometimes) I would most likely do it by drowning. That inclination I feel towards the sea would overcome me and I wouldn’t be able to resist it’s seductive lull. If I had to end it all, the most fulfilling way would be to be enveloped by the thing I love most.

I recently learned that the ocean symbolizes the soul in literature. Why couldn’t I discern that before? It makes sense though. Whenever I’m by the seaside, I feel more in touch with my emotions and self. I wish I had enough time to spend days at the beach just reading and writing and dreaming. Living by the coast in California, beach culture is incredibly prominent. I don’t care for the bleach blonde surfers at all and the casual fashion disgusts me. I don’t like swimming because I don’t think it’s fun to prance around in my swimsuit in a public place. But as I took pictures of Joy while standing in the waves clad in only a dress, it was such a magnificent experience. It was one of those moments where I felt alive and more aware of my body. Those fleeting moments are those that stay with me forever. With everything going on in my life, I sometimes become apathetic and indifferent and so that’s why it’s so thrilling to wad into the ocean while garbed in everyday clothing.

I could feel the freezing water splashing around my waist and the slight breeze against my cheek. I heard music in my head. I heard the sound of distant violins and a melancholic piano piece. I heard the seagulls cry and the waves lap against the short. I felt the sand suction my feet. I felt numb from the cold but alive with spirit and adventure. I felt all of this and was still able to laugh at the ridiculousness of the entire situation. As Joy complained about having to lie in the freezing cold water, my lungs vibrated with fits of mirth. It was such a beautiful day, probably one of the most beautiful days of my short life.

These pictures are not of me. They're of my friend Joy. People still think she's me and it's rather irritating considering I've made it a point that it's not me.

I Hear the Sound of Mandolins

2011-11-09T20:28:00.000-08:00

Sometimes if I stare at my reflection long enough, I began to contemplate the strangeness that I am alive with a personality and thoughts and feelings and pain and a background and inclinations and dreams. The more I dwell on it, the stranger and more mysterious the idea becomes. I cannot grasp the human condition. No matter how much awareness and insight I possess on the nature and history of humanity, it will always be an ineffable subject without an explanation. The concept of human nature, purpose, and creation is so vague and elusive that it becomes impossible to ruminate over for long periods of time. I find myself confused yet strangely curious whenever I think of such abstract ideas.
These reflections often incite more unanswerable questions about humans as well as myself. Who am I? I feel as if that is a question that is impossible to answer. I realize that I have such a limited understanding of myself because I haven’t experienced every circumstance that exists. Although in the past, I have struggled with addiction and self-destructive tendencies, my pain sometimes seems inadequate in comparison to the suffering of the people who experienced the most horrific, shameful, and abominable events of human history. When I think about the Holocaust, the oppression of people throughout history, slavery, war, genocides, massacres, starvation, and poverty, I experience such a profound feeling of despair, sympathy, and helplessness. It’s such a powerful feeling that all I can do is weep and question the motives of those who have inflicted pain upon other humans who are, and had always been, their equals. This is one of the reasons why I disagree adamantly with war. Every time I watch a movie or read a book about a particular war, I am horrified by the desensitization of people who glorify violence and killing. It’s hard for me to watch people die. I try to imagine myself in a war zone. I would witness people dying before my eyes. I would see mass destruction, suffering, and death. It would absolutely destroy me and transform me into a hollow apathetic shell of my former self.

Perhaps I am distressed by this concept because I am a person that feels everything so intensely and passionately. I am naturally inclined to see the good in people. In many ways, this is a flaw because I truly believe that everyone possesses an intrinsic goodness; even those who have murdered, plundered, and caused pain to others. It’s difficult for me to accept that the most notorious and horrible people in history did not possess a small sliver of compassion and remorse. There are those who become so consumed with destructive and terrible motives and emotions that they began to disregard the natural human inclination to be kind and sympathetic. I am not justifying the actions of those who have been labeled as “horrible” people. I am offering a new perspective on those that make poor decisions and cause pain.

I will never understand it. That strangely offers me solace. For I predict that if I were ever to learn the truth, it might destroy me.

These photos are not mine. Click on them to be linked back to their original source.

If you haven't seen the new issue of Femme, click here!

Femme; Fall 2011

2011-10-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

The Fall 2011 issue of Femme has finally been released! I apologize for the long delay.

The Fall issue has been dubbed the "Vintage Issue"! It features interviews with owners of online vintage shops, a retro makeup tutorial, fashion collages inspired by French beauty Anna Karina and 60's Mod, a plethora of aesthetically pleasing photographs, a movie review, and more! Happy Fall!

Thanks to all those that contributed. If you're interested in your work being in the Winter issue, email FemmeSubmission@gmail.com

Buy it here: http://www.magcloud.com/browse/issue/289543 (If you buy it now, it's on sale!

Lemonade

2011-10-24T21:36:00.000-07:00

I need to drastically alter my mood and perception. Lately, the stress of school and work, the lack of time, and the chaos related to due dates and academic projects has rendered me bitter. I get annoyed easier, I feel pessimistic, stressed, sad, and exhausted. Time is no longer infinite. During the summer, I could not know was day or time it was and feel no anxiety. I haven't even the time to appreciate the beauty of autumn; Halloween is in a week and I feel like I haven't participated enough in the holiday festivities. I feel like I have a weight attached to my ankle and I'm drowning in the depths of the ocean. I just want to sleep. I just want to be able to relax, watch movies, discover new music, write poetry, and go on lovely adventures with friends. That dream is shattered when I consider all my responsibilities and commitments.
It is clear to me now what I need to do. In order to alleviate my suffering, I need to reevaluate my current situation and change my mentality. All this negativity and destructive emotions are attracting more stressful and negative situations in my life. Right now, it's hard to judge if I'm happy or not. I experience such frequent mood swings that it's hard to discern my actual feelings.

"You care enough, that you want your life to be fulfilled in a living way, not in a painting way, not in a writing way...you really do want it to be involving in living, corresponding with other living objects, moving, changing, that kind of thing." - Edie Sedgwick

Anjolee Jewelry

2011-10-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

I have never been a materialistic person. Although I love clothes, jewelry and shoes, I buy them because I'm passionate about fashion and not because I get gratification and fulfillment from buying possessions. I also used to really like big, clunky and outrageous jewelry and accessories. I would wear enormous bows and flowers in my hair, don my fingers with blatant rings, and wear big beaded necklaces. As I grow older, I feel my taste has become more sophisticated and subtle. Of course I occasionally will clip a flower in my hair or wear Edie Sedgwick inspired chandelier earrings but it is not as it was before. Now, I find myself drawn to pearl earrings and delicate jewelry that isn't noticeable upon first glance. There's something so enigmatic about small accessories. Only ones who closely examine you can discern the little treasures that embellish your wrist or neck.
My revelation brings me to Anjolee, a company who sells precious stone and diamond jewelry. I was fortunate enough to receive a tennis bracelet with alternating CZ's and garnets. The bracelet is absolutely stunning. It's amazing how something so small can have such a significant impact on my mood and appearance. I always associated "grown-ups" with expensive and precious jewelry, high heels, and cocktail dresses. And now that I have all of this, I have finally arrived at the point that I have been dreaming of since I was a child.
I could spend hours on the Anjolee website. There are so many pretty things to look at! They have a variety of items including tennis bracelets, diamond jewelry, engagement rings, earrings, and more. Their jewelry is so soft and delicate and an ideal present for a loved one. I'm almost considering getting my mom a diamond tennis bracelet (Oh, if only I had a job that paid more than minimum wage).
Anjolee also complies with the Kimberly Act of 2003 which states that diamonds that are going to be sold must be "conflict free" meaning that they cannot acquired through an illegitimate source or from violence. "Blood Diamonds" are common in the warn-torn areas of Africa, where most of the worlds diamonds come from. This information alleviated my anxiety; ever since I saw the 2006 movie Blood Diamond, I realized how this is a serious problem that I need to be aware of.
I don't believe in owning something if you're just trying to "fit in" or impress someone. Possessions should have meaning and you should buy and own them because you love them. They are for you. That's what I love about Anjolee; they provide personal and meaningful jewelry that reinforces my philosophy.

About Your Funeral

2011-10-17T21:50:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been struggling. I'm okay but I'm constantly stressed and pressured by work and school. I'm deprived from sleep because I'm trying to do so many things within a limited time period. The chaos and the turmoil in my life right now has been the reason I haven't been updating my blog. But I promise I'm still here and writing and trying to experience life to it's fullest. Lately I've felt so creative and inspired yet I have no time to express it. Thankfully I have amazing friends who like to pose for the camera. Last weekend was utterly magical. Here are the most recent pictures I've taken.

A lot of you think that I'm the person in the photographs I post. But it's not. This is my friend Joy. Please understand that, it's really annoying when people think it's me.

Dark Undercoat

2011-10-01T23:53:00.000-07:00

I invested in a pink wig and this is what I came up with.

Makeup by: Raleigh Hopper

Model: Joy Risk

Photos by: me

Qaterpillar

2011-09-30T22:59:00.000-07:00

My photos and an article I wrote is featured in Alexandra Baban's new art magazine Qaterpillar! Check it out, it's lovely. :)

Open publication - Free publishing - More alexis mire

Tea Stains and Tobacco

2011-09-27T21:08:00.000-07:00

I felt like I haven't developed film in forever. Well, here is my past month in pictures :)

Visit my flickr!

The Land Between Solar Systems

2011-09-22T17:05:00.000-07:00

My body is heavy with sleep and my mind is already overwhelmed with stress. But my lips are turned upwards, my belly aches from laughter, creativity spews from my soul, and my heart is full of joy and love. Junior year is wonderful. I adore my classes, teachers, and the subjects I'm learning about. Finally, I feel absolutely free from the control of negativity and my eating disorder. I am comfortable, loquacious, and happy. Finally, finally, finally. It seems I have been waiting for this day the first time I stepped foot into my first treatment center. I am at home with my body, mind, spirit, and soul. I nurture each one with food, knowledge, friendship, beautiful music, books, and art. God, I am so utterly dazzled with life.

Click on the photos for their original source.

Beyond the Sea

2011-09-17T00:47:00.000-07:00

Unrequited love is the only love I know.

Click the photo for source.

Paris

2011-09-13T20:05:00.000-07:00

I don't know why I waited so long to tell all of you this but I'm going to be visiting Paris this April! My mother informed me of this a few months ago and I started crying, I was so happy. I have been dreaming about going to Paris for practically my entire life. Even though I have never been there, I have vicariously expierenced the city and the culture through music, food, movies, and photographs. I have dreamed about living in a Parisian apartment overlooking the city and buying baguettes from bakeries and fresh fruit from street markets. I have longed to walk the famous cobblestone paths, visit art musuems, and document my life in film. One day, I hope to be fluent in French and be able to live and work there. Paris, comment je vous adore!
If any of you have ever been to this gorgeous city, I would love to hear the highlights of your trip or places I must visit (aside from the main tourist attractions, that's obvious). Although I am only going for a short while, I want to expierence the esoteric and clandestine nooks in order to find the root of Parisian culture. April, why must you be so far away?

Sweet Nostalgia

2011-09-05T17:45:00.000-07:00

School starts for me tomorrow. I know that the first week of school always makes me nostalgic for summer. This summer has been one of the best summers I've ever had. I have been in recovery for over a year now and I finally feel comfortable in myself. This summer was definitely dedicated to trying new things. That wasn't my plan at the beginning but it turned out to be and I'm satisfied.
I could not even began to recall all the lovely adventures I've had this summer. And even if I could, it would take hours to articulate and elaborate. On a superficial level, summer was kayaking at night, staying up all night, traveling to new places, revisiting old places, reading my favorite novels and new books, discovering meditation, film cameras and photo shoots, thrifting, bike riding, chai spice lattes, tea, spending hours at coffee shops, meeting new people and making new friends, record players, visits to the beach, typewriters, frozen yogurt, car rides at night, road trips, movie marathons, daydreaming, lounging in the sun, waking up in the afternoon, having a job, wearing victory curls and lipstick, discovering my love of the 60's, living and breathing art, collecting beautiful things, visiting my dream college, learning to drive, walks in the park, baking cookies, and wearing floral dresses and pretty hats.
Summer, I will miss you.

These are not my photographs. Click on them to be directed back to their original sources.

Soda Dreamer

2011-09-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

School starts in four days. I have mixed emotions about it. I'm excited for the structure, seeing my friends everyday, and for the new opportunities but I'm dreading seeing people I don't like, the chaos and the stress, and never having enough time because my schedule is consumed by homework and work.

I've been told junior year is the worst year in high school. That doesn't bother me that much because I'm going to try to do my best in school anyway. I am going to apply for college (planning on going to FIDM, my dream school!) this year in order to freeze my tuition and that's an incredibly scary thought. As I rapidly approach the age where I am legally an adult, I realize how soon, I'll have to take care of myself. While I feel like I'm a pretty self-sufficient person, it's still a scary thought. But I suppose it's what I want. I have dreamed of being on my own and having complete independence and responsibility for myself. And soon, that will be the case.

While I adore summer and the freedom and the languid afternoons, I am starting to resent this hot weather. I want fall weather! I want to wear tights, winter coats, and scarfs! I want Halloween, the leaves to change color, that distinct crisp air in the morning, and holiday festivities. I'm ready for a change and a challenge. My sophomore year last year was definitely a scary transition just because I was returning to a normal life after the crazy year of treatment and recovery. This year, I feel a lot more comfortable and confident within myself. I am dreading yet anticipating this next school year.

The Sea is Calm

2011-08-24T21:29:00.000-07:00

This is my life. These past few days have been so beautiful, I can't even stand it.

View my flickr.

Vintage Point Vintage

2011-08-21T16:22:00.000-07:00

I am now a writer for the Vantage Point Vintage blog. Check out my post and the VPV store! They have such cute clothing!

Honey or Tar

2011-08-18T18:29:00.000-07:00

The last summer days are always the sweetest.

Autumn Anticipation

2011-08-16T11:31:00.000-07:00

I will shamelessly admit that I actually really like school. I simply adore learning and the structure it gives to my life. The only part that I detest is the social aspect. It's difficult to enjoy something when you're surrounded by charlatans and troglodytes. What I'm probably most excited about is English, history, and my art history class. I have always been a liberal arts person; I detest math and feel indifferent about science (excluding anatomy and biology). But I'm willing to appreciate all subjects and the benefits and opportunities they provide me with.
It always bothers me when kids say "When are we ever going to use this in real life?". A lot of the subjects taught in school are not applicable in a literal way! It's such a simple concept to grasp yet for some reason, my peers see it as incredibly difficult to understand. English - I could go on forever about how wonderful that subject is - teaches you how to analytically think, gives you a deeper perspective, and improves comprehension as well as language skills. Personally (perhaps I'm biased), I believe English (or for you foreigners, whatever your indigenious language class was) is the most important subject of all. But of course, in order to have a complete understanding, the other subjects are necessary.
I adore history because it's basically like reading an interesting story. It's humankind's mistakes, triumphs, failures, and successes. There is so much to learn from the past. And it further enhances a person's understanding of their world. My history class last year was incredibly demanding, but I adored it because I found it so fascinating. For my junior year, I'm taking two history classes: US history and art history. Ever since I took this college credit course on art history, I fell in love. Art is my passion and so is history. Gosh, I'm so excited! I probably sound like a nerd but I don't care. Learning is one of my passions.
As Autumn draws nearer, I can't help but feel anticipatory. The changing of seasons are always exciting for me.

Gypsy Death

2011-08-04T21:35:00.000-07:00

I'm not yet tired of the languid summer life; I adore reading all day, drinking tea, spending precious moments with friends, staying up late, and sleeping in. However, I am beginning to yearn for the comforts of Autumn. I want to wear stockings and winter coats, bake muffins, celebrate Halloween, and take photographs with the red-yellow-brown-orange colored trees as my backdrop. I long for the scent of crisp air, waking up at dawn for school (yes, I am one of those rare teenagers who adores school and waking up early), and drinking tea to warm my quivering chest. Although I'm not yet ready for summer to end, I love looking forward and daydreaming. The beginning of a season is always exciting!

These are recent pictures I took of Olivia. She dyed her hair from blonde to auburn! Do you like? I like this color more than her original color!

And here's my seven year old cousin! I saw her when I visited my family in Iowa.

Marie Antoinette Tea Party

2011-08-03T09:59:00.000-07:00

Last night, my friend Alyssa and I had a Marie Antoinette tea party! We watched the movie Marie Antoinette (such a beautiful movie, Sofia Coppola is a goddess) while dining on a French baguette with three kinds of cheeses, dried cranberries, grapes, blackberries, and raspberries. We sipped "Marie Antoinette" tea from this amazing restaurant called Paris in a Cup that makes their own loose leaf tea while nibbling on scones with jelly and lemon curd, homemade coconut macaroons, a fruit tart, two petite fours, and little chocolates. It was lovely! I have getting more into tea lately so this was perfect. :)

Billows Her Skirt

2011-07-20T04:18:00.000-07:00

          After completing the book Becoming Enlightened by Dalai Lama, I desire to reflect on the many things I learned. I’m still researching about all kinds of religions and spiritual paths which is why I initially read the book. Buddhism has always fascinated me. I feel like there are points in every religion that I agree with and can apply to my own belief systems.
          Buddhism is basically the pathway to escape suffering. Suffering is caused by many things including mundane pursuits, counter proactive emotions, narrow-mindedness, and karma. I’m not an expert on Buddhism but this is just what I absorbed. Altruism is the main way in which to alleviate suffering and obtain nirvana. It encourages love of others, selflessness, and acts of kindness. I realized that that is the life I wish to pursue; I want to share my knowledge, affection, and sympathy with everyone. I want to aid others in their quest for wisdom and joy. After a year of recovery, I have progressed significantly and now I am capable of sharing with others because I am stable and healthy.
          Ignorance is perhaps the greatest obstacle. With ignorance, there is bigotry, narrow-mindedness, misunderstanding, hatred, and prejudice. External qualities are only an allusion and are usually inaccurate. I realize that I must reject appearances and “first impressions” and seek truth. I must learn to treat all people equality and wish everyone happiness and freedom from suffering. Dalai Lama made an interesting point when he questioned how most people treat their friends, acquaintances, and enemies. We often elevate friends onto a pedestal because we love and cherish them more than others. Yet in regards to our enemies, some enjoy when they are miserable. Although I use the word “hate” quite freely, I truly do not hate anything or anyone. There have been people in my life that have caused me great pain. But through time, therapy, and meditation, I have forgiven all of them. They deserve compassion, patience, and sympathy just as a friend or family member deserves it. For truly, the ones that hurt others are the ones that suffer the most. I have this insight because I used to purposely hurt others as well. During my eating disorder, there were times when I felt so low that the only solace I could acquire was by unleashing my hatred upon innocent people. The relief such actions brought be were merely temporary allusions. Enemies, also, are the ideal practice for compassion, patience, and love anyway. When you began to identify how every human being is dependent upon one another, you began to formulate a better appreciation for them. Everyone possess an intrinsic quality or skill that will eventually bring joy or solace to someone else. That made me think of what mine was and influenced me to dedicate my life to aiding the development of the human race. Buddhism promises that such altruistic endeavors will bring great rewards and bring a person closer to Nirvana.
          It’s important to remove bias in order to wish happiness and health for all people. In the book, there was a suggested meditation practice that required me to think of three people: a close friend, a detested enemy, and an acquaintance. It made me wish all of them peace, prosperity, and freedom of suffering regardless of my previous dispositions. Upon doing this, it dawned on me how ridiculous it is to discriminate against others! People’s actions do not always reflect their true character and everyone can change as long as are able to identify their wrongdoings. And lastly, all things are not permanent. The person who is your friend may not always be your friend and vise versa for the enemy and acquaintance.
          I now understand what I must do. I must question hatred and in order to be omniscient. I must love all in order to learn patience, tolerance, and peace. I truly hope that you, my lovely readers, benefit from my loquacious ramblings. I believe that blogging has given me the opportunity to be altruistic in my own way. I aspire to be a catalyst for change and I hope I inspire you to pursue your own journey of self-discovery and wisdom.

“Even if I have to do it alone, I will free all sentient beings from suffering and the causes of suffering, and connect all sentient beings with happiness and it's causes."

Pala Tute

2011-07-12T20:43:00.000-07:00

It seems there is never enough time. Kalaija is leaving on Thursday and it breaks my heart but I know that we will be seeing each other again soon.

Now here are the pictures Kalaija took:

And these are the pictures of our CFD reunion! All these girls and I were in treatment together for eating disorders and it was so wonderful to see them again after all this time.

Hotel Aftershow

2011-07-10T09:16:00.000-07:00

It seems as if there is never enough time. Kalaija is leaving in four days yet it seems like she hasn't even been here that long! I could describe the various adventures we've been on but I feel like these pictures do that for me.

HANA Air Review

2011-07-04T15:20:00.000-07:00

Having bangs, I am cursed with having to style my hair everyday in order to get it to look how I want it to. For years, I have been using blow dryers and hair straighteners that leave my hair frayed and heat damaged. I have never been an expert in hair care and I don’t use many products. Whenever I attempted to research more about things I could do to hinder the deterioration of my hair follicles, I was always overwhelmed by so many different products! Eventually, I just gave up.
I was given the opportunity to review the new HANA Air Premiere Hair Dryer and I must admit it is the perfect product for those who use heat based styling products but are worried about ruining their hair. The hair dryer has been specifically designed with ion technology that reduces damage and encourages silky, healthy hair. Not only that, but it’s surprisingly stylish and has a durable design.
After about four days of using the HANA hair dryer, I've noticed a significant difference. Not only does my hair feel silky and easier to style, it doesn't feel dry like it would if it was being scourged by heat. In addition to the blow dryer, I was also fortunate enough to receive two bottles of HANA Shine Shield Thermal Protectant. It’s a leave in treatment that is supposed to protect your hair from exposure to heat. All you have to do is get a small amount and massage it into the areas where you style your hair with heat (for me, it’s my fringe bangs) regardless if it’s wet or dry. After using the Shine Shield, I noticed how it made my hair a lot softer when I styled it.
The HANA Air has two adjustable fan speeds, three heat options, is environmentally safe, and guarantees a two-year-warranty. For both 2010 and 2011, it was voted the Premier Hair Dryer and is a popular product amongst Misikko customers. Indeed it is the best professional blow dryer I have had the opportunity to try. The original price for this hair dryer is $314.99 but on the Misikko website, it’s on sale for $194.99. While this price might be too expensive for some, one must decide on what beauty products they wish to invest in. I personally think a price like that is worth it if you value the health of your hair as well as product quality. I would definitely recommend the HANA Air for those who style their hair on a daily basis like myself. Misikko even guarantees free shipping on the day it’s ordered if you purchase it online.
Overall, I am sincerely impressed with the results of my test. I hope that this review aids you in your quest in searching for the perfect hair dryer (if you’re looking of course) and I encourage those to research the HANA Air (or Misikko’s other products) if you’re interested!

If you haven't read the new issue of Femme yet, check it out here!

White Cliffs of Dover

2011-07-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

If you have been a long time reader of my blog, you might remember my friend Kalaija and the photo adventures I had with her last summer. Well, she's visiting again for ten days and is arriving tomorrow! Could you even imagine reader the happiness that vibrates in my chest? For once, I am without words. Between my ribs lies infinite rays of sunshine and wreathes of roses tied with ribbons. I have experienced so much joy ever since summer began and my best friend's arrival makes this vacation even more beautiful. To refresh your memory, here are some pictures of Kalaija (and our summertime adventures!)

If you haven't read the new issue of Femme yet, check it out here!

Femme; Summer 2011

2011-07-01T11:11:00.000-07:00

The Summer 2011 issue of Femme is finally here!

This issue is more about establishing the foundation of what Femme represents. There are beautiful editorials by Katie Eleanor and Marina Barnato, fashion collages, interviews with Israeli fashion designer Mirit Weinstock and cake designer Jenny, art and writing from our readers, and thought-provoking articles. Happy summer!

Buy it here!

Middle Earth Midnight Madness

2011-06-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

I am officially the ultimate nerd. On Monday, I attended an event celebrating the release of the Lord of the Rings trilogy on Blu Ray. It was called Middle Earth Midnight Madness and it was somewhere in West Los Angeles. My two friends (Olivia, the blonde and Alyssa, the brunette) and their horse trainer Jennifer (other blonde) all arrived there around nine in the morning because the first 150 people to show up would get a wrist band and would be able to meet some of the cast members. Unfortunately, not a lot of people showed up but we were still third in line to meet John Noble (plays Denethor) and Sala Baker (plays a few orcs and Sauron). There was a contest contest in which my Olivia and Jennifer entered and Alyssa and I got to wear two exhibition costumes and present them on stage. Unfortunately, my dress was extremely unflattering since it didn't fit me haha but it was still fun none the less! It was in the parking lot of Best Buy and people were just staring at everyone dressed up as Lord of the Rings characters. We stayed there for about fifteen hours, hence why we are wearing mustaches. After we got our wrist bands, we just drove around L.A. looking for things to entertain us and pass the time. Once we got our LOTR books signed, went home and passed out. The next day, we went to a special showing of the extended version of Return of the King. It was fantastic! And Jen, Alyssa, and Olivia all dressed up (pictures at the very end) as Eowyn for the event!

God, my life is amazing.

Sun Is On My Side

2011-06-22T15:33:00.000-07:00

Oh summer! Just one more day and you’re officially here. Yesterday for the solstice, I celebrated with books, bike rides, candles, and writing. I sat outside in the warm sunshine and read while eating a chicken salad with blueberry goat cheese and strawberries and drinking Diet Coke. I went on a bike ride around my neighborhood while music filtrated through my ears and vibrated in my chest. I closed my eyes and breathed in the air, redolent of summer. Afterwards, I lit candles, cleaned out my room, and threw away all of my school stuff. I am finally free of cumbersome academic responsibilities! Now it is my time to focus on myself, to read, to write, and to enjoy life.

I Would Have Climbed Up to the Moon if it Had Given You Peace

2011-06-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

After reading The Druidry Handbook by John Michael Greer, I’ve experienced a revelation about the lifestyle I wish to lead. I have always been fascinated with pagan religions. I love how they stress the importance of maintaining a healthy relationship with Mother Earth and how many of them don’t have an established doctrine. From my experience, the Neo-pagan religions I have experimented with never require their believers to do things a “certain way”. Overall, the beliefs of their adherents can vary. And I like that freedom to choose.
Druidism and Wicca are both polytheistic religions that are centered on the natural world. From my studies, I have learned how important it is to preserve the world we inhibit. So from this day on, I vow to pursue a simpler, yet richer, lifestyle. I wish to reject our society’s obsession with consumerism, materialism, and money. Buddhism preaches “desire leads to suffering” and I couldn’t agree with more. In the past, I have experienced the insatiable yearning for “things”. It seems that we are never truly satisfied with what we have and so we focus on acquiring even more. This sort of lifestyle is neither beneficial nor fulfilling. Well, at least for me.
I want to start meditating. I want to focus on myself and seek understanding and awareness. Instead of searching for answers around me or from other people, I want to find them myself. So much complacency and dogma exists in the world! I pledge to be a student, no matter how old I become. The world will be my teacher as I travel to find knowledge and cognizance. I refuse to settle! I refuse to be idle! And I refuse to be content with mediocrity and ignorance.
I realize how I need to do the right thing. There needs to be people who will do the responsible thing for others who cannot; and I want to be that person. It’s possible for individuals to make a difference and I want that too. I want so many things and recovery from an eating disorder has taught me that I have the right to pursue those things.
If any of you wish to join me in my quest for happiness, inner-peace, self-love, and earth preservation, please do. Having others who have the same goal is incredibly motivation. And readers, expect posts in the future regarding
my journey! I hope that my voice will inspire others to do the same.

Weeds

2011-06-08T20:26:00.000-07:00

Does anyone have any book suggestions? I'm compiling a list of books I wish to read over the summer. I'm open to anything :)

There's Such a Lot of World to See

2011-05-29T10:45:00.000-07:00

These Lookbooks from Need Supply Co. make me want to go on a road trip with my friends and wander aimlessly across the country. We can all be vagabond Gypsies who wear pretty vintage clothing, floppy hats, platform wedges, winged sunglasses, false eyelashes, and paint our lips with hues of reds, blues, pinks, purples, and nudes. Because we can; because we're free and young and our bones ache with adventure and wanderlust. Our mouths and fingertips will be stained with strawberry blood and our dashboard will be littered with maps that have lipstick paths drawn over the branch-like highways and roads. The trunk will be filled with old suitcases, a portable typewriter, sentimental souvenirs, diaries and pens, feather earrings, mismatched socks, snacks and a cooler for drinks (filled with strawberry lemonade and diet soda), cameras and rolls of film, purses, mixed CDs, sunscreen, water-melon flavored gum, hair ties, bobby pins, a straw hat, poetry books (Plath, Dickinson, Poe), heart-shaped sunglasses, a purple bobbed wig, leather satchels, jars of jam, and travel brochures.

We shall claim the world as our own! As we travel around her pathways, we obtain a more refined and sophisticated understanding and admiration for everything and everyone. In our foolishness and childlike fun, we shall gain wisdom and experience. Notebooks and diaries will overflow with memories and good times and will later bring a smile to our creased and wrinkled faces as we reminiscence about our youth. Perhaps our children will read it and collect the photographs that documented the trip and maybe they’re see what’s its like to love life and be loved back by life and feel the thrill and exhilaration that we felt as we traveled with our heads hanging from the window and the wind breathing violently against our faces and tugging at our hair. Memories are only memories when they are remembered; they must be written or documented in someway so we never forget them.

I will never understand those who are satisfied in staying in one place for their entire life. Why doesn’t everyone feel that strong urge to wander, to run tugging at their muscles? I feel it everyday. I live through movies, books, travel brochures, photographs, or anything else that makes me feel like I’m in a different place, experiencing different things and people. I will do anything just to experience the temporary relief of escaping. I am trapped within insipid suburban hell. I am at that awkward phase in my life where I am neither a child nor an adult. I am starting to acquire adult-like responsibilities (driving, a job, more freedom) but I am still incapable of caring and paying for myself. I so desperately want to cherish the golden years of my youth and relish the time where all my expenses and needs are met by my parents; however, I can’t help but feel restless and bored. I thirst for knowledge and yearn for open spaces and beautiful places!

For I Am The Way

2011-05-19T15:22:00.000-07:00

“Riots not Diets”. That phrase has been echoing inside of my head ever since I started to get in touch with my “riot girl” roots. Last Friday, a rather insignificant event evoked this peculiar rage that I have suppressed inside. I am not an angry person by any means; usually when I’m mad, it doesn't manifest itself into screaming or violent fits. I am the secret brewer who remembers and never forgets. When I am irritated, I am passive and controlled (of course, there are exceptional events where I might not react in this way). I acknowledge that I have a subliminal tendency to bear grudges. I express my emotions through various forms of art whether it be drawing, writing, or music. I always find a way to vent.
My recovery has nurtured the seedling inside my soul into a blossoming floweret. I feel I have a pretty acute awareness and understanding of who I am and what I like. As the school year comes to a close, I cannot help but think how far I have come since the beginning of the year. Some of my main goals for Sophomore year was to acquire more confidence, be more gregarious with my peers, and focus on my studies. While there is always room for improvement, I believe I have achieved more than what I ever imagined. I wish I could adopt the mindset I had when I first started recovery so I could accurately reflect on everything I have accomplished.
I am! I simply am. And I’m so lucky and grateful to be alive. Each morning as the sun filtrates into my windows, my heart swells with jovial delight. Beauty lies within even the most obscure objects. I adore the thin slivers of golden rays that dance upon my typewriter in the morning. I love the way the world glitters as the sun shifts its positions throughout the day. I possess an infatuation with peculiar objects, artistic cinema, and books. If only you could experience what it was like to live in the chiaroscuro world of an eating disorder. I was balanced on a trapeze rope; coquetting with the apathy of death while tenuously adhering to the hope of life. The turmoil associated with yearning for eternal sleep yet fighting for the right of survival destroyed everything in my world. I was a gaping abyss devoid of any mirth or vivacity.
When that hazardous balance begins to shift, you grope desperately in the darkness for something to grasp onto. Even as I lied in the wake of my destruction and reveled in the accomplishment I associated with my demise, I still fought for the little I had. I managed to acquire enough willpower and strength to lift myself out of the ashes and drag my cadaverous spirit towards whatever lay on the other side of my skewed world. Initially, I was dubious; I tread carefully and struggled to trust those who claimed they could help me. Before my hospital scare, there was no life beyond what I had. Those without eating disorders lived in another Universe. I had successfully alienated myself.
Through my tribulations, I destroyed the iron cage wrapped around my mind and shed my sallow skin. I emerged victorious. I triumphed the evil that had wretched my heart and skewed my perception. The excruciating pain was alleviated through laughter, tenderness, and therapy. My threadlike hair grew thick and lustrous as my skin grew rosy and smooth. I was no longer skin stretched over bone; I was healthy, my cheeks were rosy, and my painted lips were always upturned. I loved and loved until I quivered and quaked. Everything was so beautiful. I began to feel everything so deeply and fiercely that I could barely contain myself.
Since that day, my love and passion for living has grown. I see myself for who I am everyday as I look in the mirror. I am a feminist. I am a liberal. I am an artist. I am a writer. I am whoever I wish to be. Now, I realize I have shifted my train of thought from one thing to another and so I wish to address what I initially intended on saying. Perfection is merely something that only exists figuratively. I have tried to obtain it and I ultimately failed. With this knowledge, I have accepted my lot in life. I have embraced what I have and what I am. And this, for me, is the greatest accomplishment.
“Riots not Diets”. Chant it within your head. Enlighten others with it. It should be looked down upon to criticize and punish yourself for being who you are. Because god dammit, you are. Simply are. The revolution that will destroy self-hatred starts with acceptance. Love and cherish yourself. And as one, all girls shall unite to destroy female stereotypes, gender standards, dieting, hateful names, discrimination, and misogyny.
My darlings, my fellow females, you possess the power to rule the world.

Fields of Gold

2011-05-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

With summer quickly approaching, my limbs began to ache with wanderlust. My family plans to visit the mid-west - Iowa, Wisconsin, and Minnesota - where I will document my adventures with film and see my family that I haven’t seen in years. I’ll lounge on my grandparent’s boat in the afternoon sunshine on the lake I adore so much and fish and laugh and sing. For the first time in years, I will be able to fully embrace the beauty of vacation, my environment, and the magical moments I’ll share with my family members. Thanks to recovery, I am now capable of appreciating the things I could not before. And because of film photography, I have acquired a more perspicacious eye for the exquisite obscurities of everyday life.
I want to feel the golden kisses of the sun on my skin and listen to the subtle whispers of the ocean as the breeze wraps wisps of my salty hair around my neck. I want to awake to yellow rays filtrating through my window and I want to stay up until the sky fades from velvety purple into rosy pink and hazy blue. I long for picnics with strawberries and sandwiches and consecutive sleepovers with friends. I want to make chicken Caesar salads for lunch while blasting French music. I’ll watch as many movies as I can and spend hours at the library, browsing for books to engross myself in and for characters to meet.
I’ll be reunited with my best friend after not being able to see her for months. We’ll watch Star Wars, go on night walks, and drink excessive amounts of Diet Coke. I’ll be a muse again. I’ll garb myself in pretty dresses, paint my lips, and we’ll go to beautiful places and take pictures. If we’re lucky, we can go to Disney Land, like we did last year, and wander around, go on rides, and get frustrated with the ridiculous crowds and overpriced food. We’ll eat Nutter Butters and frozen yogurt. We’ll sing duets along with my acoustic guitar. We’ll have those languid days where we do nothing at all; but it will still be wonderful because we’d be together. We’ll finally have our treatment reunion and we’ll pretend it’s like old times, when we were all struggling to recover, and joke about our experiences, share anecdotes, and reminiscence about the past.
I’ll finish all of my art projects I started during the school year and come up with new ones. I’ll have a dinner party and hang fairy lights in my backyard. I’ll write poetry on my typewriter and attempt to finish my book and plethora of short stories. I cannot wait to learn more about myself through my travels and new experiences. I want summer so badly that I’m willing to tolerate even the negative aspects of it: indolence, laziness, idleness, and boredom. Being around my family and certain friends too much will probably drive me insane. I’ll find solace in my writing, art, and alone time.
Oh summer! My elusive, seasonal lover! I have written so many love letters to you and have begged you numerous times throughout the year to visit me soon. And now, you are finally on your way to bring me warmth and happiness. Until you arrive, I shall patiently wait for you, even though everyday I yearn for your presence.

I Am, I Am, I Am

2011-05-07T21:09:00.000-07:00

I feel there are those of you who don't really know who I am. Or what I look like. Which I understand since I often post pictures I take of other people and not myself. So, I figured I needed to make a post just about me! Here's something I wrote that embodies some of my qualities and preferences. I feel like there is so much more to say but I will refrain since I do not want to make this post too long!

I love my ivory skin and how wonderful red looks against it. I adore how much I wear red lipstick and my red hair. My obsession with Star Wars fills me with joy and I love indulging in Diet Coke. I think I have a sophisticated taste for music and movies and I enjoy peculiar and diverse things. I love learning and reading about everything and anything. Although sometimes I resent it, school has transformed me into a cognizant, cultivated person. My experiences and tribulations have blessed me with the gift of insight and wisdom. I love my modesty and humility. I am generous, pensive, considerate, and trust worthy. I understand I am young and, in some ways, naïve and ignorant. But I appreciate the fact that I am a student and that beyond my home lies a plethora of knowledge.

Libraries and thrift stores are the places I spend the most time at. Eating out and experimenting with food from other cultures is my absolute favorite. I possess an infatuation with the sea and it’s sad melancholy. Sunshine and warmth is my ideal type of weather as I only wear dresses. I’d rather wear tights or leggings than pants.

I love listening to other people and asking them questions. I love when people confide in me and I am nonjudgmental and patient. I wish there was a way in which people didn’t have to act fake upon first meeting. Small talk is the worst. I’d prefer a conversation about philosophy than the weather. I observe my fellow teenage peers as I do wild animals. They fascinate me for I cannot comprehend their actions or their preferences. Sometimes I hold myself on a pedestal because I’m evidentially more mature and aware than most of them. I hate it though because I believe in equality amongst people and it seems to alienate me from my peers even more.

I want people to validate my emotions and praise my accomplishments and knowledge. I need reassurance and appreciation in order to be successful. I am compassionate and feel every aspect of my existence. Usually, I take things personally even though I try not to. I measure success with happiness and satisfaction instead of wealth and materialistic goods. The feeling I acquire from giving is better than receiving. Anything superficial and fake sickens me. Hollywood and mainstream media is something I avoid. Gossip magazines puzzle me. Why do people waste their time with such trivial and insignificant matters? I believe the obsession with celebrity’s lives, body image, and weight only fuels the negativity that already exists in America.

I have an overactive imagination and I simply love mental stimulation. I love challenges and deciphering cryptic meanings in literature. Writing is one of my favorite past times and I especially love doing it on my typewriter. I wish I could paint. Art museums are wonderful. Art is responsible for my very being. It is the spiritual energy that I thrive on. It is my love and is embodied in everything I do and say. I wish to pursue in fashion for I believe I understand it quite well. I love and respect the artistic qualities in the draping of a dress, a tailored cut, or a certain fabric or material. But I resent the modeling industry and the negativity which exists within it. I think it’s poison.

I despise when restaurants list the amount of calories in food. I think it disrupts the intuitive process. I have a very unique way in which I view food and body image. When people hear my opinions, they usually are confused. That happens quite often actually. I’m a very misunderstood person. People think I’m shy. But I’m not, I’m just a reserved person. I don’t usually offer my insight or opinion unless I am asked. If people would just ask me, I think they would be surprised at how candor I actually am. I see nothing as taboo or restricted. I do not believe in censorship. In fact, some of my favorite things to learn about are the “taboos” of society.

My favorite love story is Lolita, which is about a pedophile in love with a twelve-year-old. Typical and cliché romance novels and movies are the worst! I’m sure some of it exists, but perfection bores me. I have a dark and quirky humor. The Hangover was the worst movie I have ever seen and I hate stupid comedy movies. The expectations for a lot of things have lowered, especially in the movie industry. Since when is it appropriate to sacrifice dignity and quality for materialistic wealth? Movies nowadays are redundant or identical copies of each other. I rarely go to the cinema just because I find it pointless to waste my money on mediocre junk. Ever since I got Netflix, I frequently watch classic movies, silent films, or foreign movies. I absolutely adore French cinema.

English and history are my favorite subjects in school. I wish there was a way in which I could spend hours in just those classes and neglect other subjects such as math (which I harbor animosity towards) and science (which I don’t mind but I’d rather not do). When my teacher assigns a book to read, poetry to analyze, or vocabulary to memorize, I usually have no complaint. Literature and poetry fascinates me. I love the feeling of losing oneself in a book or identifying with an idea or motif in a novel. While at the moment AP world history is killing me (AP exam approaching), I just love it!

Strange things fascinate me. I simply love reading about serial killers, death, pedophilia, and other peculiar subjects. One of my many loves include photography. I especially adore black and white vintage photographs! And old Hollywood stars! One of my goals is to be as classy as they are. Audrey Hepburn and Vivien Leigh are amongst my favorite old actresses. With all this redundant, mediocre acting and media, I have been resorting to watching the classics. There’s something so magical about music from the 50s or a movie from 20s and 30s. Unfortunately, my preferences renders me incapable of discussing them with people my age! I find conversations with adults more fulfilling. This doesn’t bother me that much though. I rather enjoy my precious and sophisticated taste.

Photo credit to my beautiful friends, Kalaija and Nikki.

Bad Blood

2011-04-30T21:17:00.000-07:00

What a lovely day it has been! Today, I attended the Wizard World Comic Con in Anaheim and it was wonderful. I felt so at home, amongst mega-nerds and fans of all sorts of pop culture. I primarily went for Star Wars but I could definitely appreciate everything that was there. I bought a Darth Vader shot glass, a Empire Strikes Back comic book (from the 80s!), and two vintage Batman comic books. I used to dislike Batman but I believe I've been converted. There were a lot of guest celebrities there (including Adam West, who I didn't get to meet - he was charging 60 dollars for an autograph..) that I didn't really know of but it was interesting talking to them anyway. I especially enjoyed my conversation with the guy who voices Grand Moff Tarkin on Clone Wars. He was awesome, he gave out free autographs. Oh, I'm starting to sound like a huge nerd. I don't care, Star Wars makes me so happy! There were those dressed as storm troopers, X-wing fighters, Darth Vader, Aayla Secura, Batman, Joker, Superman, Cat Woman, and a huge group garbed in Mandalorian armor (think Boba Fett). It was just a beautiful experience.

The pictures before that are random ones from the month of April. The first three are a continuation of the photoshoot I had with Joy, the next two are from a picnic, and the others are from Easter.

Also, Femme is looking for contributors for our Summer issue! Email femmesubmission@gmail.com if you want to see your work in a magazine!

Note that all submissions will not make it.

Bleed

2011-04-24T09:33:00.000-07:00

"In a nervous and slender-leaved mimosa grove at the back of their villa we found a perch on the ruins of a low stone wall. She trembled and twitched as I kissed the corner of her parted lips and the hot lobe of her ear. A cluster of stars palely glowed above us between the silhouettes of long thin leaves; that vibrant sky seemed as naked as she was under her light frock. I saw her face in the sky, strangely distinct, as if it emitted a faint radiance of its own. Her legs, her lovely live legs, were not too close together, and when my hand located what it sought, a dreamy and eerie expression, half-pleasure, half-pain, came over those childish features. She sat a little higher than I, and whenever in her solitary ecstasy she was led to kiss me, her head would bend with a sleepy, soft, drooping movement that was almost woeful, and her bare knees caught and compressed my wrist, and slackened again; and her quivering mouth, distorted by the acridity of some mysterious potion, with a sibilant intake of breath came near to my face. She would try to relieve the pain of love by first roughly rubbing her dry lips against mine; then my darling would draw away with a nervous toss of her hair, and then again come darkly near and let me feed on her open mouth, while with a generosity that was ready to offer her everything, my heart, my throat, my entrails, I gave her to hold in her awkward fist the scepter of my passion." - Vladimir Nabokov (Lolita)

Happy Easter lovelies!

Photos from here.

You Heartbreaker

2011-04-20T17:08:00.000-07:00

"We felt the imprisonment of being a girl, the way it made your mind active and dreamy, and how you ended up knowing which colors went together. We knew that the girls were our twins, that we all existed in space like animals with identical skins, and that they knew everything about us though we couldn't fathom them at all. We knew, finally, that the girls were really women in disguise, that they understood love and even death, and that our job was merely to create the noise that seemed to fascinate them." - The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides

If you loved the movie, you'll adore the book. I just finished reading it and I'm so in love.

If you haven't read Femme yet, read it! I've already started working on the next issue and if you'd like to contribute, send an email to FemmeSubmission@gmail.com

Also, please vote for my high school in Hurley's Walk the Walk contest! If we win, Hurley will donate $2,500 to our school. I'd really appreciate it if you all showed support, it'd make a huge difference. And it literally takes only a few minutes. Thanks!

Amor

2011-04-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

This is happiness. It's going to the beach wearing dresses, wedges, and summer hats. It's eating lunch at a retro diner that overlooks the ocean. It's golden sunlight and noontime picnics. It's watching A Streetcar Named Desire, Lolita, and foreign films while eating salads. As I devour poetry books and drink too much Diet Coke, I cannot help but feel exhilarated and satisfied with the present day. Summer is drawing near. I can feel his presence as he kisses my pale skin with his golden lips. Images of the sea and of faraway places haunt my waking mind. Come quickly, your absence is driving me mad with desire for those languid afternoons.

(The girl in the photographs is not me, it's my friend Joy)

My Flickr.

Weeping Sparrows

2011-04-07T20:36:00.000-07:00

For the past week, I have been sick. I despise it.

If you haven't read Femme yet, read it!

Pretty Polly

2011-04-02T14:27:00.000-07:00

Even though it's from nearly a year ago, I still cannot help but be madly in love with Miu Miu's Spring 2011 collection. Perhaps this infatuation is derived from my ever-lasting adoration of pastel colors, quirky prints, spring clothing, and cats. Or maybe I'm biased just because Miu Miu is one of my favorite designers. Never the less, I think that this collection is definitely a highlight in the early 21st century fashion scene.

If I were to mysteriously acquire a large sum of money, I no doubt would buy Miu Miu pieces. I have dreamed about owning a pair of the coveted Miu Miu shoes or one of their divine purses. If I had it my way, I would reside along side the sea shore, wearing this collection every day, and writing poetry and novellas. There's something so magical about Miu Miu designs. It's as if their clothing is woven with mystic fantasies, fairy dust, wishes, and dreams.

If you are a long time reader of my blog, I'm sure my negligence of fashion has become evident. I have neither talked about nor wrote about it in a very long time. I love fashion and I wish to pursue it as a career yet lately, I haven't had the time to review my favorite designer's new collections or draw many sketches. But I assure you that the next issue of Femme (as well as my blog) will have more articles and features on design and fashion!

Now enjoy this panoply of wonderful clothing. It's enough to make anyone's heart melt.

All images from Style.com

Femme; Spring 2011

2011-03-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

After hours of tedious editing, writing, and replying and sending many emails, I have finally finished my magazine. It's almost surreal how quickly I finished. I was surprised and delighted how interested and supportive people were when I told them of my ambitions. Finally, I'm proud to present Femme, the contemporary art and feminist magazine for teenagers and adults alike. Please read it and tell me what you think! Any criticism and comments are greatly appreciated.

You can also buy it here! I understand it's a little expensive but I'd love it if you all would support Nikki and I on this. It would mean the world to me.

I Am Your Sugar, I am Your Cream, I Am Your Anti-American Dream

2011-03-26T15:27:00.000-07:00

This is my lovely friend Joy and my most recent photographs. I actually attempted to put some thought into these pictures. And I really liked how they turned out.

My flickr.

The Love Letter

2011-03-23T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm getting bored and frustrated with my photography. I want to branch out and experiment with different themes, concepts, and techniques. It's just so difficult to find time to do so in my already busy schedule.

Summer, come quickly. I wish to elude my academic responsibilities.

Also, would anyone be interested in being my pen pal? :)

I love writing letters and I would enjoy getting to know some of you, whether you're from the US or from other parts of the world! Email me if you're interested! (email address below)

Also, contributors are still needed! I'll be releasing the first issue of my magazine probably this weekend. Please email me with your artwork/photography and if you're interested in being a writer, contact me as well.

My email: evilmuffinbam@gmail.com

Contributors Needed!

2011-03-19T00:34:00.000-07:00

Hi! If you're an artist interested in featuring your work in my new online magazine, please email your work to me! It can be photographs, art, articles, short stories, ect. If you have any questions, comment below or email me.

Thanks so much lovelies.

My email: evilmuffinbam@gmail.com

Note: Not all submissions will make it in the magazine. Please don't take it personal if your work is not chosen!

He Fell Through The Atmosphere

2011-03-13T00:06:00.000-08:00

My friend Nikki and I decided to make an online magazine!

ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO MAKE CONTRIBUTIONS SHOULD EMAIL ME WITH THEIR POETRY, PHOTOS, ARTICLES OR ART WORK!

My email: evilmuffinbam@gmail.com

I'll let everyone know more about the magazine later. It's kind of a new concept (I actually think I came up with it on Thursday) but I want to start getting people to contribute! Thank you everyone!

And here is my most recent roll of film!

Melodies

2011-03-10T18:18:00.000-08:00

I just want to clarify that my poems are usually a result of my often fluctuating passions and are merely fleeting ideas and thoughts. Think of them as dramatic rambling instead of a reflection of how I really feel and perceive the world.

I often fabricate scenarios in my head

Until my conscious is encumbered

With fantasies that preoccupy my mind while I lie in bed,

and often render me from slumber

I can not pinpoint where I acquired this mentality

Perhaps my ancestors did it as well

All I know is that my dreams are much better than reality,

And that I’m quite content just to dwell

Possible lovers and friends elude my perception

Instead I resort to amusing delusions

My imaginary friends are the only exception

Real affection is merely an illusion

For love is not real

Except in our sub-conscious dreams

It is not an emotion or something you feel

But instead a deceitful scheme

That lures you in, and for a minuscule interval of time,

You almost believe it exists

Click on the photo to be directed to it's original source.

Emilie Autumn Concert

2011-03-07T15:44:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to an Emilie Autumn concert with my friend Janae! Words will not do it justice. I recorded a lot of videos in which I have combined into one extravagant, amazing video which was located at the end of this post but I couldn't get blog spot to post it..

These are some pictures Janae took:

Missfits Magazine

2011-03-01T16:46:00.000-08:00

My good friend, Maddie and her best friend Courtney, has released her 2nd edition of her online magazine Missfits! If you have never heard of it, I recommend you check it out now! It includes a few contributions from myself and, anyone is eligible to submit work/poetry/articles/photos/ect.

"The Art Issue. We are the alternative; We are a feminist fashion magazine that focuses not only on haute couture, but empowerment. We are an open collaboration of young

women. We are the nonconformists. We are Missfits"

Why wouldn't you want to be a part of this?

Wild Is The Wind

2011-02-26T23:37:00.000-08:00

I refrained from putting pictures on this post because I want you and other readers to pay attention to what I have to say.

I could attempt to describe the anger and frustration I feel but words would not do my emotions justice. It’s people like you that disprove my theory that mankind is good. You are blinded by your dogmatic opinions and beliefs. You retain rigid theories and explanations. Your conservative outlooks have alienated your children as well as yourself. You possess no respect and express no tolerance for different opinions and therefore, it is you that are ignorant.
I have no doubt that my friend’s parents would not let me hang around their children if they knew half of the things I believed in or stood for. They would be disgusted that I support gay marriage and act as an advocate to feminism. Because I’m a liberal and usually agree with Democratic ideas, I am suddenly a delusional, naïve radical. I don’t know whether to laugh or be angry. Your childish and hypocritical behavior is ludicrous.
I do not require everybody to believe in the same things as I do. All I ask for is respect. Why is it that I, the teenage girl, am more mature than you, the adult parents? I’ve always understood that my parents are ahead of their “time” and that my family’s candor relations are not of the norm. But why? I simply can’t comprehend why or what you have against me. Your initial reaction is to blame me because I’m a bad influence on your daughter. I cannot suppress my spite any longer. I am sick of you blaming me for your inadequate parenting skills and inability to accept that your beliefs are superior to everyone else’s. Suddenly, I am the enemy because I give your child, my friend, a different perspective.
This event has pushed me to the limit. My goal to be optimistic and positive is pushed to the back of my mind. I simply can’t ignore or avoid the present tribulation. I refuse to conform and I refuse to give up my dignity. I have every right to maintain my current opinions and preferences. And you cannot destroy our friendship because I am not about to stand by and helplessly watch a healthy relationship disintegrate. This is a bigger conflict then you can ever imagine because this is kind of oppression occurs every day. Our American society lies on the foundation of the Constitute, for without it, there would be no democracy or freedom. Even though we are guaranteed the rights and freedoms of expression and speech just because we are human, we are suppressed by our fellow man.
Many of us refrain from expressing our personal values because we fear judgment of others. People are abused and ridiculed for their sexual orientation, for their political opinions, and for their religious preferences. I do not understand this behavior. And I never will. But I will continue to fight for the right to choose and the right to be who one wishes to be. To clarify, I love this country and I love humanity. But this behavior is not justified. There is not a document in the Constitute that consents discrimination against another for a belief, opinion, or value. I truly believe that human beings will be responsible for the demise of our own race.

Wait

2011-02-22T22:37:00.000-08:00

I have a week off from school and I am so in love with life!

On Friday, my friend Joy came over and we ate tortilla chips and played Candy Land with a headless solider and Luke Skywalker for players. Saturday, I watched 30 Rock all day and wrote poetry. Sunday, I went shopping with Olivia and then spent the night at another friend's house and watched stupid horror movies. Oh, and I got a jacuzzi and have basically been in it almost everyday. I even had lunch in it. It's so great. It almost feels like summer time.

This is my latest roll of film. Most of them are from this week but a couple are from Valentines Day, an adventure at Rubies Diner last weekend, and a night of babysitting my brother and his friend.